Homesick in Korea?

If ever an American is homesick in Korea, there is one place guaranteed to ease the pain. Cosco. Yep, the giant wharehouse store full of bulk goods. Just a 20 minute walk from my apartment sits a Cosco, exactly the same as the ones at home. Well, maybe not exactly- there's a bit more in the way of chili paste and fish flavored things, but look hard enough and you'll find such delights as string cheese, sour cream, ravioli, and Go-gurt. In the frozen section, taquitos, chimichangas, corndogs and all the other guilty microwaveables. At the bakery counter you can order the enormous sheet cakes with tacky icing- as blah as they are at home, I'm sure, but familiar nonetheless. L'oreal fruity kids' shampoo, Altoids, Chips Ahoy, and Otis Spunkmeyer! It's like a foreigner's fairyland. They even have the good old food court with hotdogs and pizza and chicken bakes and soft serve. And, alas, they have tortillas.

I'm budgeting myself this month so when I went to Cosco last night, I only had a few items on my list. It is easy to go overboard at a place that sells candy bars in packs of 50 and enough microwave popcorn in one box to run a movie theater for a day. First, my friends and I dined for $3 a piece at the food court. Sitting on the red plastic swivel chairs enjoying my pizza, I looked around happily at all the Koreans enjoying the same food as me. Really the only hint that gave away that we were in Korea at all were the plates of relish and onion mashed together in the center of all their tables. A pretty clever way to get the pickled side dish they require at every meal.

After eating, we spread out to shop. I secured my giant loaf of wheat bread and 2 pack Kashi cereal and began my search for the rumored tortillas. There they were, next to the frozen potstickers. I lifted it out of the freezer and admired the frosty bag. Mi Rancho Tortillas. San Leandro California. I was delighted. From home! Thinking about how the tortillas had come just as far as I had made me quite happy. Silly, I know. A whole lot of crap travels all over the world all the time. The majority of the food in that place is obviously from the States. But reading the words San Leandro made me feel like I wasn't really so far from home at all.

3 month mark

I have made it 3 months and it would be dishonest of me to say I did so without a hitch. The past few weeks have seen me frustrated, often to the point of resentment, and I would not be leaving an accurate record of my experiences if I didn't admit to it. I know that the memories of my time in Korea will be happy, but I don't want to leave the impression that I came and conquered. I have shed some tears in the past few months. Months and years rub out the difficulties, the challenges, the ugly moments from past experiences, while polishing up the fun and happy times. This blog will help remind me of what memories will forget.

As I said, I've been carrying around a lot of frustration that has lately turned to bitterness. Why don' t they just tell me the neckline on my sweater is too low instead of awkwardly trying to get me to admit that I'm cold? Did you ever think that telling me the students don't understand is maybe not as effective as helping them to understand?

In one of my classes, I find myself racing with my co-teacher whenever I pose a question to the class. It's me getting the students to provide the right answer versus my co-teacher's seemingly incontinent need to mutter the answer from his perch in the back of the room. Sometimes I win and one of my sharper students will come right out with a response. Other times, I break the 10-second teaching rule and don't allow sufficient time to pass before I re-phrase the question. But it's only so as not to award my co-teacher a silent moment in which he can supply the answer.

Example: After discussing the meaning of the vocabulary word "download" from a rather ridiculous chapter titled "How MP3 files work" I asked the students what, besides music, can you download on your computer? My question was echoed in every period that week by my co-teacher unenthusiastically droning, "Movies, books, pictures..."

Once in a while a clever student will come up with an answer that he hasn't already said. More often the students closest to him will repeat what he says. I've taken to ignoring him completely and not moving on until the question is answered by the students, whether they're merely re-iterating or not.

Aside from struggles with co-teachers, I've been rebelling against learning any Korean, something which I'm not proud of at all. Feeling lonely at lunch, and alienated from all the other teachers, I should have all the more motivation to work on my Korean. But in fact, I've allowed myself to make excuses. I don't have any time to learn Korean. I work all week and on the weekend the last thing I want to do is study. Or, I'm here to teach English. It isn't my fault that I have to speak English all day.

When all the teachers went out to dinner on Teacher's Day last week, I started to feel the real impact of not being able to communicate. Of course, the other English teachers can speak to me, but I'm sure they are tired of translating and always having to worry about me. So, I don't blame them for leaving me at the table to fend for myself after dinner. But what am I to do in a situation like this? Other teachers, usually the ones who have had a bottle or two of soju, test their meager English skills on me and try to get me into the conversation. But then they always end up going back to talking in Korean. I'll hear my name in the mix and know they're talking about me, but get no acknowledgement after. I might not know what you're saying but I do know my own name!

Today my school hosted the first round of the city-wide English speech contest. I witnessed 15 middle school students stand up and give a 3-minute original speech to a crowded room in English. I kept picturing myself in Spanish class and recalling the nerves I suffered even having to give a one word answer. And that was in college! I was so proud of all of the students who voluntarily participated in the competition, especially the competitor from my school who I'd spent the morning coaching. When she learned that she hadn't scored enough to continue to the next round, she got up to leave, then turned and gave me an oh well smile. I finally felt the gratitude and worth of my role here in Korea that I worried did not exist.

I have resolved to give learning Korean a better effort. The thought of me going home in 9 months without having built any stronger relationships with my co-workers is upsetting. I want them to know me, not just as the foreign teacher, but as a person.

As for my co-teacher with the answer-giving case of turrets, I'm trying to learn more about the way that Korean teachers teach and reconcile this with his behavior in my classes. I know that students are not often expected to give responses in a typical Korean classroom, especially an English class. Classroom learning seems much more passive than active in Korea, with emphasis on memorization and precision. I can only imagine what my co-teacher thinks of my silly mad libs, coloring activities, and group assignments printed on pink paper. It seems that the English teachers here are trying to understand our foreign ways of teaching as much as we are theirs.

There is still plenty of complaining ahead. But here's evidence- I'm working on it.

Seoul trip

Koreans shop like they drive. Just go ahead with what they want to do, oblivious to all other people. Start shifting through a rack and expect it to be shoved back your way by a Korean who decides she wants to have a look at the other end of it. If you spot what you need and want to grab it, there always seems to be a couple of Korean girls with their high heels glued to the floor and their thin little bodies managing to block out the entire display.

Unfortunately this didn't deter me from hitting the stores on my first trip to Seoul. I'm never completely comfortable with shopping on a trip. I mean, you can shop at home anytime, right? But to justify, there is quite a bit in Seoul that you can't find in Daejeon. For starters, H&M and Forever21. I know, I know. Forever21? Going there for clothes while abroad is like eating at McDonald's. But sometimes you just want the familiar.

And I got a lot of familiar this weekend. Every subway car I rode in had at least 2 or 3 other foreigners in it. Some cars were even nearly half white people. I'm so used to being the only blond girl on the block. And being pleased with myself to have found such a gem of a country to live in for a year. Seoul reminded that there are thousands of other foreigners basking in glow of the same gem. Now I was just part of the crowd.

And there were literally crowds everywhere. If I could sum up Seoul from the small glimpse I got of it this weekend, I would say one word-crowded. But truly amazing. The typical Korean attitude- a blend of easygoing enjoyment, brotherly love, and prideful industry- seeps from the streets. There is no wonder at all why many foreigners find a second home here. It is a happy home. Yet, I won't say I'm disappointed that I can't call it my home. I'm perfectly content in Daejeon with its one subway line, 2 dance clubs, and no Mexican food. Okay, scratch that last one.

As the bus from Seoul heaved into Deajeon, I thought of how I had secretly missed the subtle stares from strangers and the delighted waves from children I get when I pass by. I missed being special.

Sports Day

It was annual sports day today at school. Both my schools had been practicing for the past few weeks for this national school tradition, but I was unsure what to expect on game day. Their practices seemed to consist of milling about with hoola hoops and an occasional round of group jumproping. I suspect that these practices, which got them out of class, were, well, just to get out of class. But it got me out of class too so I can't complain.

Yesterday I was told that I could stay home as there would be no classes today, but I try to participate in school activities when I can. Not being able to have relationships with most of the other teachers, I take opportunities to still feel a part of the school. When I arrived on Sports Say, I received a green t-shirt and cap to wear in support of one of my 3rd grade classes. There was an opening ceremony on the field (similar to a baseball field, without the grass or the diamond) with the Korean national anthem. You aren't supposed to put your hand on your heart for another country's anthem, are you? I thought not, but still felt awkward. Then the games began. There were some races, some jump rope contests, tug-of-war, and other more unusual "traditional Korean games" that each homeroom competed in. The green team did dreadfully in nearly every event.

While I watched my team fail, I sat under the teacher's tent first eagerly welcoming and then politlely accepting all the food and drink thrust at me. Oh fried chicken? It's only 10:30 am but what the hey? Hamburgers? Where on earth did those come from? Beer? I don't want to be rude so I'll sip one... I was starting to feel sorry for the students out there in the heat jumping around while the teachers sat and indulged. Then I realized that there was a hamburger and Pepsi for each student, too. And popsicles. It seemed funny celebrating physical fitness and sports competition with a round of burgers and sodas, but oh well. After a donut for desert, I was ready to pass out.

When will I learn not to underestimate the amount of food that Koreans eat? After another hour's worth of games, everyone headed to the cafeteria for real lunch. I took a handful of rice, one slice of pork fat, and one lettuce leaf, but could barely stuff it down. Especially with the second can of beer placed in front of me by the vice principal. I ate my rice grain by grain and watched the other teachers show me how to make a lettuce wrap (refraining from explaining that the reason I didn't use the sesame leaf is because I don't like the sesame leaf). Then they made me compare skin tones with them by holding my arm out. Something which I have done many times in my day, but never evoking such envy. Pale skin is desirable here. And sunscreen is not hard to come by in this country so no one worry about me this summer. Luckily after lunch I was free to go, and I rolled home for an afternoon nap. Then again, it could be that I just dreamed all that up. Who goes to work and eats food and drinks beer and sits around?