3 month mark

I have made it 3 months and it would be dishonest of me to say I did so without a hitch. The past few weeks have seen me frustrated, often to the point of resentment, and I would not be leaving an accurate record of my experiences if I didn't admit to it. I know that the memories of my time in Korea will be happy, but I don't want to leave the impression that I came and conquered. I have shed some tears in the past few months. Months and years rub out the difficulties, the challenges, the ugly moments from past experiences, while polishing up the fun and happy times. This blog will help remind me of what memories will forget.

As I said, I've been carrying around a lot of frustration that has lately turned to bitterness. Why don' t they just tell me the neckline on my sweater is too low instead of awkwardly trying to get me to admit that I'm cold? Did you ever think that telling me the students don't understand is maybe not as effective as helping them to understand?

In one of my classes, I find myself racing with my co-teacher whenever I pose a question to the class. It's me getting the students to provide the right answer versus my co-teacher's seemingly incontinent need to mutter the answer from his perch in the back of the room. Sometimes I win and one of my sharper students will come right out with a response. Other times, I break the 10-second teaching rule and don't allow sufficient time to pass before I re-phrase the question. But it's only so as not to award my co-teacher a silent moment in which he can supply the answer.

Example: After discussing the meaning of the vocabulary word "download" from a rather ridiculous chapter titled "How MP3 files work" I asked the students what, besides music, can you download on your computer? My question was echoed in every period that week by my co-teacher unenthusiastically droning, "Movies, books, pictures..."

Once in a while a clever student will come up with an answer that he hasn't already said. More often the students closest to him will repeat what he says. I've taken to ignoring him completely and not moving on until the question is answered by the students, whether they're merely re-iterating or not.

Aside from struggles with co-teachers, I've been rebelling against learning any Korean, something which I'm not proud of at all. Feeling lonely at lunch, and alienated from all the other teachers, I should have all the more motivation to work on my Korean. But in fact, I've allowed myself to make excuses. I don't have any time to learn Korean. I work all week and on the weekend the last thing I want to do is study. Or, I'm here to teach English. It isn't my fault that I have to speak English all day.

When all the teachers went out to dinner on Teacher's Day last week, I started to feel the real impact of not being able to communicate. Of course, the other English teachers can speak to me, but I'm sure they are tired of translating and always having to worry about me. So, I don't blame them for leaving me at the table to fend for myself after dinner. But what am I to do in a situation like this? Other teachers, usually the ones who have had a bottle or two of soju, test their meager English skills on me and try to get me into the conversation. But then they always end up going back to talking in Korean. I'll hear my name in the mix and know they're talking about me, but get no acknowledgement after. I might not know what you're saying but I do know my own name!

Today my school hosted the first round of the city-wide English speech contest. I witnessed 15 middle school students stand up and give a 3-minute original speech to a crowded room in English. I kept picturing myself in Spanish class and recalling the nerves I suffered even having to give a one word answer. And that was in college! I was so proud of all of the students who voluntarily participated in the competition, especially the competitor from my school who I'd spent the morning coaching. When she learned that she hadn't scored enough to continue to the next round, she got up to leave, then turned and gave me an oh well smile. I finally felt the gratitude and worth of my role here in Korea that I worried did not exist.

I have resolved to give learning Korean a better effort. The thought of me going home in 9 months without having built any stronger relationships with my co-workers is upsetting. I want them to know me, not just as the foreign teacher, but as a person.

As for my co-teacher with the answer-giving case of turrets, I'm trying to learn more about the way that Korean teachers teach and reconcile this with his behavior in my classes. I know that students are not often expected to give responses in a typical Korean classroom, especially an English class. Classroom learning seems much more passive than active in Korea, with emphasis on memorization and precision. I can only imagine what my co-teacher thinks of my silly mad libs, coloring activities, and group assignments printed on pink paper. It seems that the English teachers here are trying to understand our foreign ways of teaching as much as we are theirs.

There is still plenty of complaining ahead. But here's evidence- I'm working on it.